


Only Angel

by harryoholicc



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Brothels, Cat, Depression, Everyone Is Gay, Homophobia, M/M, Sad, Sexual Content, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23529757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryoholicc/pseuds/harryoholicc
Summary: Harry feels forced to leave home when he is given a life-changing secret to keep safe from his childhood best friend. He finds himself working as a performer in a brothel in London.Everything is perfect - until he sees blue eyes staring at him from the back of the crowd.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. Introduction / Author's Note

Hi there! Thank you for choosing to read my story! There are a few things I need to tell you before reading...

  * Firstly, this story is set out in an odd way, the _italic writing_ at the start of each chapter is Harry's past life and the backstory about him. I thought it would be interesting to have a small part of his context in each chapter so you can learn more and more about him as his story evolves.
  * **This story contains descriptions of depression, suicide, drug use and sexual themes throughout.**
  * There may be more but at time of writing I haven't got that far. Please, if you think you can't cope with the suicidal parts of this story I urge you not to read incase it triggers you.
  * If at any point you feel uncomfortable please stop reading; your mental health tops my story anyday. 
  * If you are too young to be reading this then please turn away. You should be at least 16-18.
  * Most of the outfits that Harry wears and the aesthetic coming from the scenes in the story are inspired by various pictures and videos of Harry. I am compiling them in a separate 'book' which I recommend you have a look at as there are some nice pictures and videos. Plus Harry and Louis are *Chef's kiss* beautiful.



Also, there are many references hidden in here too, both Harry and 1D so keep an eye out! I'm aiming to draw a picture for each chapter, and I will aim to update the story each week or so, depending on how busy I am. The chapters are named after Harry's songs and they may not always relate to the chapter.

I hope this helps... You can continue with the story now :) TPWK xxx


	2. Meet Me In the Hallway

_First day of class._

_Nervous kids stood outside the classroom. A 9 year old, skinny dark haired boy named Harry played with his bag. He was fresh to the area and knew no one at school. He desperately scanned the other kids for a friendly face. As he started to look down at his feet, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find a slightly taller, pale boy with kind, bright eyes._

_"Hello, I haven't seen you before, are you new in our class?" The pale boy asked. He was scruffily wearing the uniform, which matched his tousled hair. His face was slim with dark brows and long, droopy eyelashes._

_Harry nodded. "Yup,"_

_"What's your name? I'm Edward, but you can call me Eddie," Edward replied._

_Dark haired boy's eyes lit up. "My middle name is Edward! But my actual name is Harry."_

_Edward smiled warmly. "Nice to meet you, Harry."_

_A shy welcome blossomed into a wonderful friendship; over the coming months, Harry and Edward became best friends. They never fought, and their spirits always seemed to lift around each other. They became separated during secondary school - Edwards dad was strictly Christian so he had to go to a religious school. This did not stop them - they were forever weaving each other into their lives. Bike rides home were awaited for each day as Harry would cycle to Edward's school to wait for him before they would go home, chatting about their days. They would talk about classmates, annoying teachers and their favourite subjects, Art and Music. Harry loved to sing and Edward loved to paint._

* * *

My eyes opened to the hum of the summer breeze whistling through London's skyscrapers. I stumbled out of bed groggily and looked out of my window. It was a late spring morning and the sun was covered in a thin layer of clouds. I made my way into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. A small chirpy meow came from behind and I turned to find my favourite girl, Diana, my cat. She was a silver Maine coon mix. She had found me when I needed a friend most, and we've been together ever since.

"Hey babygoooorl," I mewed, which she returned with another purr. I grabbed my coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. Diana hopped up onto the table and sat beside me. I'm sure she did this on purpose to get her goddamned fur in my drink. Her grey fur ruffled up as a I touched her back and gave her a pat. It looked like a beautiful day, but I did not feel the same inside. I always felt sad around this time of year. It just reminded me of traumatic times. I often wondered how everyone back home had coped without me.  
I scrolled through my phone, sipping my coffee, and saw photos of fancy food, dogs and old friends. I froze over a picture of a familiar face. She was with two of her friends and they all looked so happy. A bitter feeling soaked through me as I zoomed over the middle girl's face. I wish I could tell her where I was. But that was far too much to open at once – It has already taken me years to send another postcard. I continued scrolling until I was interrupted by a text popping up.

'Hey Hazz! You're working tonight, right?' It was from Olivia, my co-worker and other half on stage. I tapped back a reply and we had a conversation about how her boyfriend had used up all the soap again and it was _surely_ the end of the world or something. I sighed and got up to get ready for my shift tonight. We worked at a famous brothel named Canyon Moon. It was the only real life I knew. I didn't have any school qualifications so it isn't like I could find something better. Besides, I enjoyed the work. I love performing onstage. I would sing and dance and get people really riled up. Often people would pay to have me do whatever they wanted to for a few hours. Sex work was real work, right?  
Olivia had introduced me to the job, and I'll be forever grateful she found me when she did. She had become a great friend to me over the past few years. She had dark espresso coloured hair, matching her caffeine-like energy spurts. She was often the life of the party with her loud, playful character. I on the other hand was usually shyer, but on stage I became the pinnacle of sultry confidence. My clients were often regulars and I loved working with them all.

As the sun set in the sky, I left my apartment. I headed 17 floors down to the bottom of the building and caught a taxi. My fingers tapped on the knees of my jeans to the tune of the radio. I watched the people in the street. I spotted a homeless man with a dog and thought back to the time things like that weren't so different for me. I got dropped a few streets away from Canyon Moon so I could avoid being flooded with eager girls or being shouted with abuse by people who seemed to hate us. Friday nights were always so busy for us but at least we got enough money to last us a few weeks on one night alone. I made my way round the back of the building and in through the guarded back doors.   
Almost immediately, I was greeted with a huge hug from behind and the scent of apricots and rose tiptoed around my face.

"Hi Olivia, nice to see you," I chuckled. I turned around to see her. "I literally saw you yesterday... Why the big huggy statement?"

Olivia was always so vibrant. She reminded me of the bright sunshine that opened sleepy eyes at dawn.

"Lighten up a little, Haz," Olivia giggled. She playfully punched me in my stomach before I grasped her wrist and pushed her away. She gave me a scowl when I told her to get ready. She always took the longest to get prepared. _But the rhinestones take the piss! -_ she'd say. I went into my room and opened the wardrobe. What to wear? Aah, yes. The custom Harris Reed shirt. It was black, ruffled and flowy – slightly see-through and showed a small amount of chest. I paired it with sleek black trousers. I then applied light makeup, just natural coloured lipstick and highlighter. My fingers picked up the mask lying on the dressing table. At Canyon Moon we all had to wear masks to protect our identity. We had stage names too but our faces needed protecting. Even if we had clients we had to wear a mask. People thought it was more of a kinky thing, but no, just had to keep rude people off us. I had decorated my mask with stars and small fish on either side. I pressed it to my face and tied the ribbon behind my head.

I made my way out of the dressing room and met Olivia. I could feel the music and murmurs through my feet and assumed the brothel was crowded.

"Oh, I love this shirt on you!" Olivia exclaimed. She traced her fingers over the ruffles. "It looks pricey.... And also kinda gay. Typical Harry, eh?"

Harry nodded. Yup, typical Harry. I liked my clothes a lot. Men too, I guess.

The music died down on the other side of the stage door. We looked at each other.

"After you," I gestured.

Olivia walked to the door. She was wearing something tight fitting and red, with glittering gems across her body. Her body confidence could be felt just by being around her.

The narrator could be heard telling the crowd to prepare themselves for the stars of tonight. _Please welcome.... Georgia Rose and Kiwi!_ Those were our stage names. I loved kiwis and they matched my eyes.

I stepped into the light. God, it was so bright sometimes. It smelt of alcohol and sweat. Lovely. The roar of the people enticed me to the microphone. The band played behind us. Olivia was already halfway up her pole, dancing. She looked amazing. The introduction of the music led me to the first words. I twirled around the microphone stand.

"Listen to the wind blow," I began. It was a cover of a Fleetwood Mac song. I blew a kiss to someone in the crowd. "And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again..."

I loved performing this song. It radiated such energy that made everyone so eager. As the song progressed, I kept dancing and making eye contact with people in the crowd. I saw someone push someone over to steal their drink and I laughed, pointing at them. As I sung, I hopped to the beat. My eyes were often closed as I spoke, rolling my hips forward. It was getting to the build-up and everything got more intense. I encouraged the crowd to sing along and dance.

"Chain keep us together," I repeated several times, each pause with increasing levels of movements from my body. I rolled my eyes back and shook my head, leaning back. I went so hard that my microphone almost ran away from me, but I steadied it for the final sentence. My eyes opened as I finished, chest rising and falling as my lungs grabbed the oxygen from the heavy air. The lights shone into the crowd and lit up so many faces. Someone right at the back caught my eye. He was sat in a chair watching me closely. As the light hit his face, I saw blue eyes flicker back. He had sharp cheekbones and a sweeping fringe. He was incredibly beautiful, _angelic,_ even.

"T-Thank you..." I praised the audience. My gaze couldn't get away from the man at the back of the room. We held eye contact before the lights went off and I was dragged backstage by Olivia. She looked at my stunned face. She asked if I was okay. Yes, yes, I'm okay. Or was I not? Whoever he was had left me both intimidated and intrigued at the same time. The pit of my stomach felt warm and fuzzy.

She clicked her fingers. "Harry?"

"It was an angel," I mumbled.

Olivia looked confused when I turned to look at her, my lips barely moving . "I really saw an angel."

"I don't understand you sometimes." Olivia shrugged.

We sat down on some chairs and waited for the other performances to finish. Usually, after we had finished with our stage time we went into the crowd and hang around and dance with people. Sometimes people would pay to have one of us for a few hours in our backrooms. It was usually drunk birthday girls or older single men. I didn't often get male clients, so it was always fun when I got one. If you danced or made people feel special about themselves, you could get some great tips. I once earned around £1500 one night.   
We heard the singers outside tone down and the average club music started playing and knew it was time to go out with the rest of them. Olivia brought us outside and got lost in the crowd, telling a guy that her 'daddy was a dentist' or something. I knew exactly where I as going. I headed straight to the back of the room and looked around.   
There was no one here.   
I stepped back and thought for a moment. Had I really seen an angel? Did he not even exist? Was this just my mind? I looked around the crowd for any sign of him.   
"Kiwi?" A familiar voice said. I looked to my right and saw my manager stood there. "You've been hired out for the night and you're due to start in 10 minutes."   
I guess the search for the angel man was over. I nodded and followed him backstage to freshen my appearance. Looking in the mirror, I straightened my mask and spritzed some of my favourite Gucci Memoire perfume. Stepping out into the hallway and walking towards the private hire rooms. We each had our own room which was unique to the others. Mine happened to involve vintage furniture and pastel themes. My hands picked up the note at the front of the door. Usually it specified what we were to expect for the client, but this note was blank. I didn't understand. I guess this was a surprise.

I hummed to myself and opened the door and walked in, closing it gently behind me. I adjusted the lights and smiled, curtseying as I greeted the client. My jaw could've dropped.   
"Hello,"  
I almost lost my smile, however I kept grinning at the man with the blue eyes and the fringe.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork showing Harry as a character. Diana is the cat he is holding and he is wearing his mask. Additional info can be found in my "Only Angel Inspo" book.


	3. Sign of The Times

_ A few years later, Harry and Edward were still as close as anything. Harry had a smile as bright as life itself, and often became the light of the room, whereas Edward would hang back in the shadows and admire from afar with his freckled cheekbones. Girls became the talk of their peers but they didn’t take much notice of them. They just shrugged it off when everyone started messing around with each other and spoke about their favourite songs instead. _

_ More often than not, Harry would often find himself getting lost in Edward's eyes. He caught himself staring far too many times for it to be a normal, platonic friendship. But, he discarded the feelings as nothing important.  _

_ On warm summer evenings, Edward would often paint as Harry mumbled about songwriting. Harry would watch as Edward’s delicate hands painted creatures big and small, and the focus that controlled his face as he watched the canvas.  _

_ Harry found himself falling in love with Edward. He loved his voice, his laugh, his face, just - everything.  _

_ Everything about Edward made him happy. He felt himself dreaming of Edward.  _

_ Even though Edward had picked up smoking, it didn’t bother Harry at all. _

* * *

I just smiled and waited for a command. I could see the man looking me up and down. He tilted his head to see past my shirt and at the tattoos peeking beneath. I used this time to look at him, too. His face was defined with thin eyebrows and cheekbones so sharp they might hurt if you touched them. He also had tattoos on his hands, which disappeared into his cuffs. He was wearing a black turtleneck shirt and a green plaid jacket. I’m sure he caught me looking – he chuckled and asked me to sit down on the chair next to him. I nodded, thinking about the accent that he had spoken with. It was definitely Northern.

“So, what can I do for you today, sir?” I asked.

The man shrugged. He looked like he was thinking for an answer, but nothing came of it. He looked at me and frowned. Why had he hired me out if nothing was going to happen? Were we just going to stare at each other until the time was up?

I scowled at the silence. “So uh, do you want a blowjob or something?”

“Actually, I think I’d just like a cup of tea if that’s alright, mate,” He said with that accent again.

A cup of tea? _A cup of fucking tea?_ I stared at him in disbelief. “Um,”

“Is that okay?” The man asked, almost in a mock.

I was confused but nodded. “Yes, sir,”

He told me he wanted milk with no sugar. I headed out the room and scratched my head. This had never happened before. I didn’t understand. My hands adjusted my mask and I found my way into the breakroom. We didn’t have designated client mugs, so I used my own. It was pale blue and said ‘treat people with kindness’ in rainbow letters. My name, Harry, was written in Sharpie at the bottom of the mug, but it was smudged and faded. I clicked the kettle on and grabbed a tea bag from the cupboard. Steadily, I brought the cup of tea back into the room and gently placed it down on the table next to him. “Here,”

He smiled and picked the cup up, inspecting the pattern. “Lovely. Thanks, mate. Is this your cup?”

“It is, yes… What’s your name, sir?” I asked. It would be nice to tie a label to his odd persona.

“Doesn’t matter,” He chuckled as he took a small sip of tea before giving me an icy stare. “Take off your shirt.”

This was the second time he had taken me aback. I slowly undid the silky black tie that held the frilly collars of my shirt together. He watched closely as my cuffs were unbuttoned, and the sleek fabric fell off my shoulders. I stood in front of him and watched his fingertips reach out and touch my chest, tracing the lines of my butterfly tattoo. I followed his arm up and noticed that he was staring right at my face. I blushed and looked away, but his hand ran up my skin and grabbed my jaw gently, bringing me back to face him.

“You are so beautiful,” He mumbled. “Can you come here?”

I stepped forward. He stood up, cup of tea still in his hand as he took a sip. He was a good few inches smaller than me and I almost shadowed him. He looked up at me with glossy blue orbs. They flicked down to my mouth and back up to me again. I was silent, waiting for a movement to act on.

“I haven’t actually kissed a lad before,” He confessed. As he spoke, the smell of cigarettes met my nose. Ah, so he was a smoker... Familiar smell. “I haven’t done anything with a lad before… This is my first time.”

I felt my heart soften beneath my ribs. I knew those nerves. It was scary doing things for a first time. My first ever client was a mess. If help was at hand, I would have taken it in a heartbeat.

“Do you want me to show you, sir?” I softly said. His face lit up and agreed with a nod. My hand reached out to take the cup of tea out of his grasp and place it onto the bedside table before raising my fingers up to his face. The back of my thumb brushed his cheek as I guided my fingertips around his jawline, across the stubble and grasped his chin. I ducked my head down and looked him in the eye before I leant into him, pressing my lips against his. My mask bumped into his defined features. When I pulled back, I smiled and opened my mouth to speak but I was tugged by my hair back into him. I just went with his lead. This is what I'm paid to do, after all.

There was some sort of passion about this client who was unlike anyone else I have had before. My hands trailed across his body before resting on his waist, my thumbs clinging onto his hipbones. I could feel his hands running down my bare chest and I gasped when he slipped his fingers into my waistband. I quickly pulled his hand away and laid them elsewhere. Our connection broke and I looked down for a second. My eyes widened.

_Shit, a boner._ This had never happened before. I was never mentally committed to my clients and usually had to take supplements to get things going, so having this happen naturally? Gosh… I pushed the man onto the bed quickly and sat beside him.

The man rested a hand on my thigh. I wasn’t sure how visible I was becoming, so I stabbed my elbow down and rested my face on my fist, smiling like nothing was wrong.

“I’m Louis,” His voice broke the tense air.

“Louis,” I repeated. _Louis_. It rolled off my tongue easily. It was a cute name and it suited him. “Nice to meet you,”

I crossed my legs and turned to face him to abruptly ask a question. “Why are you here?”

Louis shrugged. “It’s a long story... Maybe I will tell you another day.”

Another day? He wanted to see me again! I grinned. Louis took a sip from his tea and looked at his watch, tutting.

“S’pose my hour is up,” He downed the rest of his tea and buried his hand in his pocket, bringing out a wallet. I watched him as he picked out and unfold three £50 notes. He handed them to me, and I shook my head.

I told him I couldn’t possibly take it, but he insisted. “For the tea.”

“Thank you, sir,” I stuttered, looking down at the money. I'd already been pre-paid by him so this was a huge tip.

“Just call me Louis,” He corrected me. Louis walked to the door and glanced at me before opening the door.

I smiled and gave a shy wave, saying goodbye.

Louis smirked. “See you later, _Harry_.”

That little shit. He knew my name. I furrowed my brow and watched him go, leaving me alone, mouth agape, sat on the bed. I collapsed backwards and sighed, putting my hands over my eyes. He must have seen my name on the bottom of the mug. How? I did not know. I grabbed it and turned it upside down, letting the remaining drops fall onto my trousers.

_'HARRY'_

This could seriously harm me… If he knew my name, he could spread it around and then I’d be found. I threw the cup into the soft pillows. Goddamn.

I stood up, sighing. I picked my poor shirt up off the floor and started to dress again. I readjusted the silky fabric and tucked my shirt into my trousers. I saw a small strip of paper flicker to the floor. Bending down, I held it in between my fingertips. It was a number. How did it get there? Why was it in my waistband? – Oh. Louis. He must have put it in there during our kiss. He was sneaky. I shuffled over to the bin and dropped the slip of paper in.

Often, I would get numbers from clients or people who tipped me. They would never get a response; it was against Canyon Moon rules. Plus, I didn’t want a relationship. Too much pain hides in relationships. I don’t think I could handle that. Louis seemed different though. He was a peculiar mix of anxious closet gay and seemed funny from what I saw of him. I shrugged and prepared the room for the next client.

* * *

All throughout the time I was with the client, I thought about Louis. I thought about kissing his sweet cigarette lips. Tasted just like strawberries on a summer evening. After the client went, it was pretty late and the end of my shift, so I gathered up my stuff, changed my clothes and started to walk out the room. I stopped and looked at the bin and thought for a moment. Maybe after all these years I deserved a friend who wasn’t of the feline variety. Not that there was anything wrong with that. I loved Diana. My hand dived into the bin. Typing the number into my phone, I added him as a contact. I wrote a small message but deleted it straight away. I turned off the lights and headed out, mumbling goodbye to Olivia, who was busy swooning over our new cleaner.

As I travelled home, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Louis had turned me on so much just through a kiss. Someone I had never met before had me feeling like I was someone special. My brain couldn’t process it. Even just thinking about it brought the warm feelings back. Wait, wait, _not in the taxi_ , stop. I glanced at my thighs. Thank god I was back in jeans as it wasn’t so noticeable. The taxi driver asked if I was okay. Yeah, I’m good. I’m totally not thinking of Louis. I screwed my eyes up and took a deep breath. At least I was nearly home now.

It was around 2am when I unlocked the front door of my flat. I was so tired that after I reheated my food in the microwave, I just plonked onto my sofa. Diana was sleeping on her cat bed next to the tv. I brought my phone out of my pocket. I hummed a little tune. What would I write? That I think about him a lot even though we met about 3 hours ago? That I wanted to see him again? That I yearned to feel him again? I hadn’t felt like this in years. What summed up all my thoughts was a simple word.

_Oops._

I pressed send. Within seconds, a reply pinged through.

_Hi._

Aw, cute. He was waiting for me. I exited off my phone and left it at that. I ate my food and went to bed. Even after I tossed and turned, my body didn’t let me sleep. I thought of northern accents. Cigarettes. Blue eyes. Strawberries on a summer evening? That sounded like a song. I needed more berries… And the summer feeling?. I just wanted to taste it. Taste him. My mind was frazzled; my thoughts rambled into some odd spur of feeling.

Before I even knew it, my hands had already made it to the elastic hem of my boxers. I didn’t even know it had even begun to happen and when I realised that I was too far gone. I thought of his lil swoopy fringe and his cheekbones. And how he had ever so sneakily put his number in the waistband of my trousers. What else was he capable of... _God knows._ As I lay thinking of him, my wrists gently repeating the movement that I had craved for so long, numbed any feeling of indecent thoughts. Sure, I've had clients do this to me but that was dry and hollow. The fact that I was feeling comfortable enough to do this again after years of neglect - and all for a complete stranger - was a massive breakthrough. _Fuck_. When I could feel myself peak I let my body come onto my shuddering stomach as I gasped for breath, with Louis firmly in my mind as the happy waves strobed out.

I stared at the sticky, gunky mess, clinging onto fern tattoos on my belly and sighed. _Oops_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Doesn’t matter,” He chuckled as he took a small sip of tea before giving me an icy stare. “Take off your shirt.”  
> He watched closely as my cuffs were unbuttoned, and the sleek fabric fell off my shoulders.  
> \----  
> Artwork showing Louis drinking tea, watching his fav lad. Additional info for this chapter can be found in my "Only Angel Inspo" book.


End file.
